**WARNING** - Adult themes and possible spoilers.
Okay, before I start waffling on about this book, I'd like to just state that these are MY OWN opinions, and if you disagree then we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one. I've had enough arguments about this book to realise that it's like Marmite - you either really REALLY love it, or you LOATHE it.
First of all - the writing. Oh my. I read a review on Amazon a while ago saying that it would make a fantastic drinking game. That reviewer was spot on. The repetition in this book is ridiculous. I think I actually rolled my eyes more than Christian and Ana put together and then doubled. The book would have been halved if she didn't repeat herself as much as she does. Not necessary. While reading the book, I began to feel that the author was treating me like I'd just taken a stupid pill or something. Down there??? Down where pray tell? I have no idea what you must possibly be on about. The author throws in the odd word now and again which makes you reach for the dictionary ("Have you been playing with the thesaurus again?" - this is exactly what I was thinking), yet the book as a whole reads just like a young adult book, but with very adult themes, and it just doesn't work.
Now, these adult themes. It's like an extremely long porno. It just doesn't stop. Seriously, I say this without sarcasm and I think it's the only thing me and 50 Shades fans will agree on. How many times can two people have earth shattering orgasms in a day, never mind a week?? It's all very unbelievable. I realise that when reading a book sometimes you have to extend your imagination and beliefs (I enjoyed a Caroline Ahern book not too long ago about a secret world where your lost belongings go, so I clearly can extend my imagination enough to enjoy a book). But a young girl, fresh out of university, a virgin (fine), never masturbated (pushing it), doesn't shave her armpits, never had a wet dream ("I didn't know I could dream sex" - A. That's a load of tosh, and B. 'dream sex'? Seriously?) and then when she loses her virginity, there is not only no pain, but she orgasms 3 times! No, sorry, I can't help but get frustrated in completely the wrong way in which the author intends. And then she doesn't stop orgasming. It's just sex scene after sex scene, and frankly, it's boring.
Following on from that - there is no plot. It shows some promise at the start, suggesting an intriguing introduction to the world of S&M, subs and doms. But once they have sex, that's all the book is. There's two glimpses into the sub/dom world in the whole book, but they're fleeting, and then they're back in bed, or the bath, or wherever, and boom, boredom strikes. I'll agree with 50 Shades lovers on one point though - it is a good book to go to bed with (Zzz).
Now lets move on to the characters. I think this, for me, is the crux as to why I don't like this book. For me, the theory behind love is simple. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, they live happily ever after. But what I see happening all the time, is Boy meets girl, boy messes girl about, girl falls for boy anyway because she wants to understand him, and then tries to change him. Boy dumps girl's ass once he gets what he wants, girl pines until she meets the next loser. I will never understand the need to change a person, it's just beyond me. And this is exactly what Ana is trying to do with Christian. She is desperately trying to find out why he is the way he is, and she wants to change him so he can love her the way she loves him. "He's not a hero, he's a man with serious, deep emotional flaws, and he's dragging me into the dark. Can I not guide him into the light?" This frustrates me no end, so much so I can't empathise with her whatsoever, and I'm not falling for Christian's charms because those type of 'men' repulse me.
(As I'm writing this, I realise that maybe this is what the author intends. Her characters reflect what I see on TV, in movies and in real life so often (minus the S&M). But then again, considering this book as a whole, I'm possibly giving the author too much credit here. I get the feeling that eventually, Ana is going to get what she wants and change him, which does NOT reflect reality. However, I'm getting ahead of myself here, so I'm going to keep all of this in mind until I finish the trilogy.)
The other thing that's got my goat, is the sudden popularity these books have been given. It's completely undeserved. It's another Da Vinci Code all over again. I've not read Twilight yet, but I will. I'm intrigued as to how I'll feel about that trilogy, as at the moment I have no feelings whatsoever about it - no like, no dislike, no curiosity. I disliked 50 Shades long before I opened the pages, and that's one of the reasons why I picked this up first, because it annoyed me before I read it, and that's not right. But now I've read it (well, Book 1), and I can now hate it with actual reason. It angers me that there are books out there being written, good stories with interesting themes written about in depth, and they don't get a look in. And then you have this tripe being a worldwide bestseller. You may argue that it gets people reading and that can only be a good thing, but that only works if people continue to read other books. It's no good if, when they've finished the trilogy, they put it back down on the bandwagon and sit down to the X Factor to drool all over Gary Barlow.
2/5 - I give this 2 and not 1 because I generally tend to give books 1 when I find them difficult to read and really struggle through them. This book, due to it's writing, was very easy to read, which was a bonus because it helped me get through the pain quicker. Much like ripping off a plaster.
NB: Entered into the Hogwarts Reading Challenge 2012 under Arithmancy, because it has a number in it's title, and I really can't be bothered thinking of a more appropriate place to put it.
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